4 reasons why dumb phones still sell

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mobility3

Yesterday, I wrote about my failed marriages to two of the most popular and powerful phones on the planet. Today, I will be talking about the perfect boyfriend that I never married. During the end of the ’90s and around early 2000s, the GSM technology was introduced into the Nigerian environment and everyone wanted to go into a relationship with the phones. At the time, I still had to depend on my dad for everything and him giving me the permission to date a phone was out of the question. However, by a stroke of luck, I met with the Nokia 3310 who took a liking to me. We hit it off immediately and I was able to keep the relationship a secret.

We had everything going for us. Boy! Was I convinced that ours was a match made in heaven. I remember the nights he took me out on the snake game dates. We spent hours playing, during which he kept encouraging me to try and beat my last score. I always believed no other guy could make me unfaithful to this wonderful man, but I was in for a shocker. The smartphones took the world by storm, and suddenly, being seen in public with my boyfriend became a total embarrassment to me. In short it was social suicide. I begged and pleaded for the relationship to come to a halt, but he made sure he did everything to fight for what we still had. Despite all his efforts, I eventually succeeded in shoving him into the carton of my heart and went on to date some of these new kids on the block.

But as I sit reminiscing over past events of the last few months and years, I see why dumb phones after the order of the Nokia 3310 still have a place in today’s world. Here are 5 reasons why I think that dumb phones still sell.

PHCN Friendly

In this part of the world where the guys that control power supply decide to take a break for months unending, these dumb babies come in handy, because they don’t require much battery life to make phones calls or send/receive text messages. They outlast their BlackBerry brothers and their Samsung cousins any day, any time.

Theft Resistant

They are only the only devices that are guaranteed to be found 24 hours after they go missing. I remember once when I dropped my dumb phone in a commercial bus. The conductor asked me to come back and pick my phone. Stealing it was not an option. Who wants such a dumb contraption?

Distraction…Less

In all the dull, boring meetings, long and windy conversations or family gatherings, the smartphones seem like a horrible distraction and a good way to piss off friends, family and bosses. Such rude and insecure things! Ever interrupting and needing attention! dumb phones, on the other hand, almost never interrupt a conversation, date or family time. Just remember though that to be seen flaunting a dumb phone has the ability to take you a few rungs down the social ladder.

De-Connected

With the entire social media stampede, privacy is a topic that has been shoved out the window. The entire world now sits with me in my classroom, my bedroom and even the restroom. Gosh, it is so annoying. However for those with the hermit tendencies and those who wish to put a halt to the constant intrusion Facebook, Twitter and other social media, a dumb phone is your best bet.

Here is a little secret of mine: I still keep in contact with my old boyfriend, and when my ex-husbands are messing up, guess into whose arms I run!

Have a lovely weekend people. And do pray that I will survive another week of posting constantly. Mentions please… I am still @toperants.

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6 comments

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Tope, I like your boyfriend analogy. Nice one. Please, keep writing.

    I had long relationships with dumbphones, and I always gave them away when I upgraded. My most loving dumbphone period belogs to the Nokia 1100. It’s the only phone I had that I immediately replaced with the same model when the 1st unit damaged.

    Now though, I won’t be seen with a non-smartphone. No way! I have several smartphones (with 4 different OSes) that keep my heart fully occupied.

  2. Dumb phones, of course, still have their place of relevance in our lives. They may not be able to boast any specs, but they are reliable.

    Personally, I can’t do without those dirt-cheap, torchlight-wielding, sturdy Nokia phones that come handy when smartphones get stolen or lost or dying.

    For example, there is this N2,500 Nokia phone I bought in 2011 which met a wicked fate in a series of accidents – dropping on concrete, slipping off into water thrice, getting sat on, etc.

    The phone got revived after every fatal accident, but seemed to finally give up in 2012. And I consigned it to the trash store in my house. Just this week, I was searching for something when I sighted the ‘dead’ dark little phone again in a pile of odds and ends.

    I took a pitiful gaze at it and a hunch nudged me to try recharging the ‘dead’ dumb phone. Skeptical, but I plugged it into a socket and to my surprise, Lazarus came back to life! Miracle!

    The never-say-die Nokia smallie charged full and I inserted an idle SIM card into it. It worked! It still works as I write this. I doubt if my Galaxy Note 2 darling would have survived such an ordeal.

    Surely, dumb phones live and die to LIVE ANOTHER DAY!

  3. Valid points, all

    Sure, dumb cars too. Remember the Peugeot 404, or the Volkswagen Beetle. You can’t kill them, even if you tried.

    All the same, I wouldn’t know what to do with a dumbphone, as calling is the last reason I buy a phone.

    For the kids, yes, but me?

    With smartphones (Android) costing a princely N10K, it looks like the era of dumbphones is numbered, somewhat.

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