So I got tired of being maltreated. I never knew if you were going to kiss me or kick me. Every time I saw your bars, I flinched. I never knew if I would be hugged or flogged. Your symbols were never consistent. Sometimes, it was a G; sometimes an H, but mostly an E.
This is what broke the Camel’s back. This became the final straw that made me say No More!
I got used to the roll-overs. I got used to reloading before expiry. I got used to this cycle. I paid and you delivered. No muss; no fuss. And then in August we had an argument. My subscription was meant expire on the 23rd. I still had 11 GB of your love left on the 22nd. You reminded me that if I wanted your love to continue, I had to help pay your rent of 18000 naira. Knowing your troublesome nature, I quickly paid. As usual, I saw the money deducted from our joint account.
I went to bed, whispering to myself “Eti (Yoruba for ear) loves me, Eti loves me”. When I woke up, I quickly dialed our secret codes, and that’s when my heart broke. I found that I had no data! None! Nada! Zilch! You took my money, but much more importantly you took my data.
I called my Geek Force friend. She did a quick check and told me to relax. I was assured that you would come back to me fully. About an hour later, I got the month’s data, but no rollover. I called, I mailed, and I texted, but you basically told me enjoy what you have. 11 GB is a lot of data. Baby, I want my data!
You drove me back to one of my red-skinned exes; he offered me a fantastic deal on a Nexus. His Golf Bravo might not be as big as yours but let’s face it, whose is? Any woman or relationship expert will tell you, No matter how big it is, don’t take abuse. I don’t want your fancy loving. I just want consistent loving…
I heard that you have a new public wallet. I tried that too and couldn’t access it. Now I might be paranoid, but let me ask, “Are you blocking me!? Are you pulling an Arik on me? You might say you want me back, but this is Nigeria. There is Church Service, lip service, and eye service. But Customer service? Not so much.
And, Yes; I miss you. But you know what you have to do to win me back? Don’t do me any special favors; just Give me my 11GB back.
Until you do, I wish you well. I’ll watch your shows too. I heard that you now have 13 million subscribers. For now, just remember me as 13 million minus 1.