I am not a great fan of the mobile number portability (MNP) project. Oh; I see its benefits clearly under ideal circumstances. But I also see the uniqueness of the Nigerian environment and think that porting from one network to the other is largely a waste of time. Shoot me, if you so desire. I keep hearing tales of woe from subscribers who ported. It is either the porting process itself made the whole exercise worthless, or after porting, the subscriber’s eyes opened to the reality that he had just jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. Of course, there are also subscribers who have ported and are happy with the move.
But bear with me and consider that a few weeks ago, though I had an active mobile internet subscription on all four mobile networks, I could get nothing done online. For weeks! What would have been the point of porting in that scenario? D’oh! But never mind my cynical self. Right now, I am happy that the number porting scheme is happening, and that some people are actually using it. You see, the networks are edgy and are actually fighting to retain subscribers by dashing out all sorts of freebies.
Suddenly, the Subscriber is important
Some days ago, I got some extra airtime from Etisalat and I am able to call all networks with it. I don’t make a lot of calls, and so i am yet to use it up. Yesterday, I received an SMS from MTN notifying me that I had been given 1GB of mobile internet free. The MTN SMS included this sentence: “Thank you for staying with MTN.” Do you see why I am suddenly a pseudo evangelist of mobile number portability? Because of MNP, suddenly the subscriber is important enough to be wooed and courted and given gifts. We are suddenly desirable brides. Which lady does not enjoy attention? Oh; and while we are on that, who says that men don’t enjoy attention? I laugh when people talk as if it is only women who long for attention.
Before I turn this post into a relationship column, let me get back on track. If I get enough freebies, I may actually not need to pay for calls and internet services anymore. Yes; a guy can dream. Dear networks, please send me some more freebies. Glo, I am waiting for yours. Are you reading? If you don’t woo me to retain me, I will port! It is my time to do yanga. Deal with it. Now, lemme see if this free MTN internet thing will actually work and let me browse. Yes; and if I will be able to make more calls with the free airtime from Eti Baba. Glo…… I am expecting that notification o! You hear?!
Meanwhile, DJ, play me some music!
*Loudspeakers come alive with D’banj’s hit track, “Suddenly“:
step in the club, they’re loving me
standing so far, yet they’re touching me
I cant feel the thing that is robbing me robbing me
she’s calling me
late in the night she’s Bugging me
all day long she’s stalking me
and all these happen suddenly, so suddenly
she go say ori yato sori
if you ask her why, she go say
ori yato sori
if you ask her wetin she go say
owo yato sowo
gbogbo wa mo wipe
koko yato si koko
Step with me, people! Work with me! This groove is just going down….