A few minutes ago, my friend Jesse put me on the spot when he asked me the almighty question, What is love? I replied him

What Is Love? Part One

Posted by


A few minutes ago, my friend Jesse put me on the spot when he asked me the almighty question, What is love? I replied him that I have no idea.

Too many times, I have been told that I have never experienced true love because by default I do not miss people. I have always been like that. As a child, growing up in the care of my parents, I was that way. At least, that was what mom told me. As a teenager in boarding school, dad would chide me for not writing home. I simply went on with my life once they dropped me at school and drove off. As an adult, I cultivated the habit of deliberately keeping in touch with people around me. But by default, I am a loner. I am the kind of person who will naturally keep to myself, not because anything is wrong between us. That is just my default state. And when something is wrong, ah! Effortlessly do I face front.

So, I am told that true love means that you miss someone or people. I am told that true love means finding someone that you cannot live without (or at least feel that way about). Unfortunately, I have no such person. There goes any claim of mine to true love. Based on that point of view, it means that I have never truly loved my parents, siblings, wife, children or friends. Never mind that I have given up personal dreams for some of them, inconvenienced myself, emptied my bank account, bent over double in many scenarios, and have been generally there for them more than many others have been. No; I am pretty much certain that I am incapable of true love.

I am the wrong person to ask about love. I have no flipping idea what it is.


  1. *sigh* we are all different sha. The different shades that we are paint a beautiful picture.

  2. Depending on your point of view, you would be right to say, like Hemingway, that love makes the world go round.

    You would also be right to say, like eye_bee_kay, that,’ love is the heart of the lover.’

    It is what you want it to be. Like TRUTH.

    No one can define love to others , because it is intensely personal.

    My personal definition of love is, doing your best, in all ways possible, to make the loved_one’s life as stress free as possible.

    As a young boy,my dad often admonished, l’ove others more than yourself’. Not, AS yourself, mind you!

    THE old man lived a life that exemplified that!

    Valentine’s day is supposed to symbolize love at the most sublime , but sadly, is often an opportunity for licentious and sensual profligacy and excess.

    I have just read a report about two suspected homosexuals bludgeoned to death, with planks and cuddles, , while law enforcement agents looked on!

    Someone calmly recorded this lynching.

    If we can agree as to WHAT love is, the logical,next question is, WHERE is it? CERTAINLY, it is not too commonplace in our clime ..

  3. If we can agree as to WHAT love is..

    Which is the crux of the matter. As far as I can see from years of observation, love is different things to different people. So, when two people exchange the words, “I love you”, very often they mean two different things, though they may be unaware.

    We are not all agreed on what love is, and I dare say that we will all never come to that agreement.

  4. Love!

    In ancient days Love was so strong that they could not bundle all the feelings called love in just one word, so they grouped it into 6.

    The 6 groups are
    Philia is a deep but usually non-sexual intimacy between close friends and family members or as a deep bond forged by soldiers as they fought alongside each other in battle.

    Ludus is a more playful affection found in fooling around or flirting.

    Pragma is a mature love that develops over a long period of time between long-term couples and involves actively practising goodwill, commitment, compromise and understanding.

    Agape is a more generalized love; about love for all of humanity, some say its God’s Love

    Philautia is self-love, which isn’t as selfish as it sounds. As great minds will say, in order to care for others you need to be able to care about yourself first.

    Eros is about sexual passion and desire. Great minds say Eros is the strongest yet weakest, if it does not metamorphose into Philia and/or Pragma, Eros will burn itself out within minutes.

    It was agreed that no one person can give you “Love” so they decided to have family ties and communities to ensure everybody gets Love.

    Just 4 letter words, so strong, so powerful that it holds us all together, yet, so weak and fragile.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *